(no subject)

[allielujah]

I failed my geology lab final. I'm upset yet not by this. My midterm grade was high enough that I can still pull a B for my overall grade, depending on how well the lecture final went today. I'm mostly upset, though, because I was so certain I did better than an F. I was informed today I was one of four people to fill out one of the sections incorrectly, automatically missing ten questions. I'm so upset with myself for becoming so overwhelmed that I couldn't remember to do something so simple.

But what's done is done. Now, I just have to sit and wait and constantly hit refresh until the page reloads with new information.

 

The lecture final went better, I do believe, but I was incredibly distracted throughout the entire thing, catching myself constantly bubbling in the the answer on the wrong number. Last night, my car died on me. And last time I had a car die on me, I had to get a new one. My mother just had to get a new car. So, I was worried about it.

Luckily, everything is fine now and I am no longer without car. I have a new battery and alternator and should hopefully be good now. The car felt so much smoother the ride home from the shop. No more of me asking Maxwell, "What's that sound?" Well, we hope at least.

I've been feeling kinda ill all day. I'm not sure if it's just all the worry surrounding my grade and my car or if I am actually ill, though. I'm considering hermit-ing up in our apartment all weekend and turning off my cell. I'm just not in a people mood and am too tired to force myself to not be otherwise. I'm pretty certain, though, it's all stress related and once the grade is posted, things should be fine. Depending on the grade, I suppose.

I've started a blog for my hopeful photography business. I don't have anything on it yet. As much as I want to start putting things up and start working on a watermark for my pictures and continue price checking websites, I also do not want to do it. I'm just so scared to actually try something and see how it goes. I feel like it would go better if I waited until I knew more, had a better camera, had a bigger portfolio, etc. But I also know that the longer I put it off, the harder it will be for me to get it started. I just have to keep reminding myself I'm not looking to make an income off of this. I'm just looking to do something I greatly enjoy in the hopes that, maybe, some day, some thing will come from it.

I'm one of those people with the "I'm not good enough" mindset and no matter how hard I fight it, it always appears when I start something new. Eventually, I will make it disappear. But it takes a lot of hard work on my part and some help from those around me. But I was reminded, through this car experience, just how few I keep around me anymore. At least I know that these few are a good few.