allielujah snapped

I've decided to wait a little bit on the community. I've worked up a list of almost 400-something words, but I'm not sure how much I like the idea anymore. I'm going to put some more thought into it and decide by the weekend, at the latest. I do want to start one, I'd like it to be something fun. I'm just not sure what I would prefer, currently. My interests are limited, or so it feels.

We went to Books-a-Million today. I inherited a gift card for there and thought it'd be great to own a new book. Unfortunately, I only got overwhelmed by the choices instead of excited and ended up, instead, purchasing a bag that I've wanted since they started carrying it. It's the perfect book/knitting tote, so I am incredibly pleased with my purchase. I would have preferred a book, though.

For some reason, if I do not have a book in mind to purchase, I get really overwhelmed by my choices. Occasionally, I'll see one I want, decide that is it and stop looking. It's when I keep looking where I end up not being able to make up my mind, feeling very uncomfortable and would rather leave the store than continue perusing and eventually making a purchase. That's what happened today. I felt as if I were going to have a panic attack...all because I couldn't decide on a book.

That is really one of the more silly things I do. I love books so much, though, and I want to make sure I'm making the right choice when purchasing one because unfortunately it doesn't get to happen as often as I would like. The majority of the books I want are, in my opinion, overpriced (I think books are overpriced for the most part, as much of a lover of them as I am). I sometimes have a hard time convincing myself it's okay to purchase one when I have the extra cash. I tend to wait until a sale happens (which is never) or the book comes out in paperback (though this is rarely an option).

Mostly, though, I wait on gift cards and just gifts in general.


I kept lingering at the sign language section. Before we left, I decided to just get one of those. I went back there to grab one but could not remember which one it was I thought would be the best teaching aid for me. Instead of looking, we just decided to leave. I immediately felt better once we entered the car. Grabbing dinner at Chili's didn't hurt either. On the way home, we stopped there again so I could purchase the bag. I was going to wait to go back again, but Maxwell suggested going ahead and doing so since we were already out.

While I would have loved to be reading a new book right now, I'm incredibly happy with the bag. Like I said, it's the perfect knitting/book bag. And I've been looking for one for a while. Plus, I have the majority of Maxwell's books I should read; I've started so many and have lost interest. Our tastes vary, mine changing almost weekly. I still have a hard time deciding what kind of reading mood I am. Such a silly problem. I've started The Thorn Birds, one of his books that he said he didn't like but thinks I'll enjoy. I've only read a few pages, but it seems somewhat interesting. I haven't really read anything since completing the Harry Potter series. I had set a goal of 50 books to be read by the end of the year; I think I'm barely at twenty. I really need to get back on that.



But, aside from that, I'm pretty sure I understand, partly, what happened to me earlier. While I don't really want to talk about it here, suffice it to say that I had somewhat of a breakdown. Though I suppose that is rather obvious just from my description above, but it originally didn't have anything to do with me trying to choose a book. Ultimately, though, my brain took my original thoughts and turned them to, instead, that delimina. It took me sitting here and typing this out to remember that there was a slight different variation at one point.

Mostly: I'm feeling uninspired, unoriginal and untalented. For me, one of the worst feelings. It hasn't completely gone away, but I've learned to live with it over the years. Maybe this feeling is what led me to delete the community I had worked out.

I'm hoping tomorrow I'll have a better day. A day without the worrisome, negative feelings that today seem to house.